UNPREPARED

pix from Homo Eroticus

You looked into my eyes
Asking to let go, to make it happen
The passion imprisoned
In my little world

As your hands touch my skin
My Body, my soul
Electrifies my room
Filled with hypocrisy and lies

The wetness of your lips
The motions of my body
Enveloped the uncertainty
Of things to yet to come

The spirits of nakedness
Released by loneliness
Your life, My soul
Will always be unprepared.

LATE BLOMMER

I’M BACK MGA ATEH! And I missed you all so much! Grabeycious talaga! ;D

Dami ko lang talaga lang ginagawa, ewan ko nga ba kung bakit nagkapatong-patong ang Gawain ko sa work, parang efficient na titser lang talaga. Choz! Lesson plan dito, Iskul activities dito, doon training dito, doon, alalay ng mga baytamins sa training nila dito, doon.. buti na lang sa pag-alalay sa mga baytamins e hindi natuloy ang pag-trekking naming sa bundok na ke taas-taas, dahil sa walang humpay na pag-ulan. Tenks gudnesh!

Pero ang isang enjoy ako, e nung nautusan akong pumunta ng Divisoria. Stress reliever ko kaya ang bumili ng mga bagay-bagay, which may not necessarily mean na aking pera ang ginagasatos, kaya mas okay yun. Ang di ko lang gusto e dapat mag commute ako dahil di available ang mga caru at vanu ng mga utaw.

The day ng aking pag gora sa Divi, na late ako ng gising, kasi minsan lang mangyari yun na walang pasok sa aking iskul, kaya may I patay my alarm clock. E bukod sa Divi, I have to pass by my favorite Glorrieta to buy something na makakatulong sa aking pagpapayat.  Kaya nung magising ako, nagmamadali ang ateh mo, buti na lang di masyadong maulan nung araw na yun.

But I notice something new or different in how I look at people that day. From Magallanes I have to take the MRT on my way to Ayala and then from the station to the shop where I am supposed to buy something. To the shop I have to go back to the MRT station and ride a train to EDSA station, from there I have to buy a ticket and transfer to LRT line 1 and ride the train again to Doroteo Jose, then a jeepney to Divisoria.

With all that travel time, I noticed that I was regularly checking out men: young, middle aged, thin, buffed, cute, fahionista. Datirati naman di naman ako ganun makatingin sa mga kapwa ko lalaki. Yes I check them out, yung mga kakaiba sa tingin at panlasa ko at saglit lang yun. Yun bang di halata, masakit kayang majombag ng bonggang bongga. Pero iba na ngayun, di lang ako sight.. I was already staring as in nakababad. Nagulat lang talaga ako. When I was refelecting kung bakit ganun, naisip ko na nagsimula ang lahat ng ito nung simulan ko ang blog kong ito. I met friends and people who feel what I feel, talk the way I talk and think the way I think.  And I felt at ease.

A few months ago, I wrote an email of thanks to Mcvie, one of the most fabulous fabcasters I ever heard. When he answered my email, he opened it with ‘Ano ba BAKLA! Okay lang yun!’ honestly I was taken aback; I was not used in being called bakla, discreet chuvaness nga kasi ako mga ateh. Pamintang buo, durog, crystallized, powdered, solidified at kung anek, anek pa, AKO YUN. I do not need to defend my decision to treat my sexually this way. But reflecting on it a little more, my ‘devilish promdi soul’ somewhat made me realize that I need to reconcile my bakla soul with my manly soul. “Mag-usap kayong dalawa, sino ba talaga ang makapangyarihan ikaw na babae ang hanap o ikaw na kapwa ko mahal ko.” Until these two souls make up who’s whom, I will remain the Demonyito lurking in the stillness of the night. Choz!

A friend’s daughter turned 18 recently and all of the old friends where invited for a simple dinner and some drinks. Syempre di mawawala ang tsismis, probinsya kaya ito teh. Kung sinong wala syang topic, at napausapan ang isang konsehal ng bayan naming na kaibigan din naman naming na halata naming beki, kaya lang di umamamin. Then napunta ang usapan sa gobernador naming na dating artista na nag survey daw sa bayan naming kung ilan ang beki at sabi ng kasamahang beki nasa 300 lang daw ang nagpalista, at sa gulat ng marami bigla akong sumingit ng ganito:

Ako: ‘At yung mga paminta as of this afternoon ay 3, 400 na ang count.’
Tawanan ang lahat ng may nag-tanong:
Kaibigan sa akin: ‘Bakot mo alam?’
Ako: Kasi ako yung huling pumirma!
Tawanan uli

Bigla akong nabigla at natanong sa sarili: Nasabi ko yun? Dati rati naiinis ako sa mga ganung comment kahit di ako ang concern. I am changing.

Sabi ko nga noon, I am taking my time, baby steps with pointed toes! Ching! I am slowly accepting who I really am. I don’t need to shout to high heavens about my true sexuality or even explain myself because as far as I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation. My life, my sexuality, my preference, my soul.

And lastly, my ‘gaydar’ also seems to have leveled up. Andami kong naamoy sa mga nakakasalubong ko na, kapareho ko yata ang pabango. Choz! Lalo na nung nasa Glorietta ako, dati naman ang napapansin ko lang e yung mga effem talaga, pero ngayon kahit yung mga kalahi ko na paminta naamoy ko na, bahing nga ako ng bahing! Hihihi ;D

Nice to be back mga kumare! I hope you’re happy than I am! Choz ;D

DIVAS

FINALLY!

Napanuod ko rin ang pinag-uusapang musical play na itich! Salamat kay Jellicle, nalaman ko ang schedule nila this month, kaya may I yaya ang aking best friend with her loving husband of course at ang doktora naming kaibigan na bagong miyembro ng aming munting grupo sa pag gimik (that's  for another story).

Well I paid for the tickets, dahil ako yung nang ibita, okay lang naman, kesa naman kasi ako lang ang mag-isang manuod, tawag na agad ang ateh para makapag-pa-resreve ng tickets. I opted to let my friends choose the date, basta weekend at 3p.m.

So a day before the bog event, I reminded my amigas of our date, unfortunately di pwede ang caru ni bff at biglang kailangan maipasok ang Van ni doktotora sa casa, kaya wala kaming choice kungdi mag-commute.

9a.m ang usapan namin ni bff na magkita sa skul na pinagtuturuan ko. At dahil ulirang ina si bff, late ang lola mo, expected ko na yun, sa tagal ba naming magkaibigan, at si doktora naman ay sa isang mall na lang mag-iintay sa amin. So gora na kami, sakay ng bus, baba sa mall, tinagpo si doktora, sakay uli sa bus papuntang manila para tagpuin naman si papa ni bff.

Ang huli kong luwas sa manila ay nung Pondo ng Pinoy Aniv, at bumili ako ng rubber shoes kay papalicious salesman sa MOA..hay..si papalicious..

sori..natulala ako..

balik sa istorya ng paglalakbay...

dahil nga nabawasan na ako ng tabachingching, nagkasya kaming tatlo sa upuan ng bus at nakatulog si bff..as in tulog..nanaginip pa nga ang lola mo..kaya ang saya-saya nya nung magising siya na nasa EDSA na kami at pababa na ng Robinson's Pioneer, yun yata daw ang pinakamahaba nyang power nap, workaholic si bff.

Pagbaba namin dahil lunch time na, hanap kami ng kakainan,at we ended up at Old Spaghetti House. Okay naman ng food, dahil favorite ko din namang kainan yun. Walang patumanggang chika kaming tatlo habang nagiintay kay papa ni bff. After lunch, as suggested by bff, hanap daw kami ng ibang lugar for dessert, so gora uli, pero napadaan kami ng isang shop na sale ang mga sapatos, lumiwanag ang mata ni bff at doktora parang mga batang nakakita ng maraming candy! Nalimutan na ang dessert!

Biglang dating ni papa ni bff (actually ako ang match maker nag dalawang itich), at dahil six footer si papa kitang kita mo siya agad. Ikot-ikot ng kaunti at dahil hahanapin pa namin ang PETA, nagyayaan na, pero success si doktora at papa ni bff may mga bitbit!

Using my phone's GPS (tutyal!) nakita namin agad ang PETA, pero panic si bff ng makita ang mga nasa harapan ng Theater, dahil naka dress to the max ang mga manunuod na nasa alta sociedad, with matching pearls pa at stilettos! Eh samantalang kami, casual na casual lang, parang sa sine lang pupunta! Bigla kong naalala na sponsored nga pala ng St. Paul Pasig ang show na yun, kaya maraming mga MILF na beso ng beso.

At di matawaran, kasabay namin si Sen. Guingona and wife sa panunuod, at sa likuran lang namin nakaupo. May napuna ako habang nagiintay mag simula ang show, yung mga MILF, isa-isang lumalapit sa isang thunder na babae at sabay sabing: "Miss Lucasan, I'm so and so, do you still remember me?" o kaya ay "Miss Lucasan do you remember so ans so?" At dahil chismosa lang ako I concluded na dati nilang titser ito. Pabulong ko ngang sabi kay bff na lalapit din kami kay Miss Lucasan, at sasabihin ko na : "Miss Lucasan do you remember my friend so and so?", naku dahil titser din ako, tiyak na tatangu lang si Miss Lucasan at ibebeso si bff. Ganun kaya mga titser, sa dami ng mga naging iskwela, di lahat matatandaan, kaya pag may nagpakilala na siya ay si ganun at ganyan, tatangu na lang sya as if kilala nga ang kausap! hahaha!

And when the play started, it was simply amazing. The cast was fabulous with their punchlines, sabi nga ni papa ni bff, hanga sya sa mga gumanap kasi namemorize nila ang ke hahabang linyang yun.

The songs were superb, galing talaga ni Ateng Vince de Jesus, samahan pa ng mga dance routines nilang pak na pak! Di talaga ako napahiya sa aking mga friends. It's all worth the money. Kahit yung mga drama moments ng play ay nakakaantig talaga sa puso at ang kissing scene...sus!...ang swerte ni Ateng Chelsea (played by Melvin Lee), si Myke Salomon ba naman ang kahalikan, kahit pa "I pill like a lesbian"..pak na!

Pasensya kung mas mahaba ang kwento ko tungkol sa byahe namin kesa dun sa play, kase to experience a musical play like that makes you speechless and leave you at awe, with bibig na nakanganga ;D Sarap ulit-ulit sa memory ang mga napanuod ko. Busog na busog ang aking kaluluwa at pinabata ako ng 20 years sa sayang dinulot ng mga narinig at nasaksihan ko.

Sabi nga ni bff, mauulit..ito'y mauulit!

At dahil marami ngang MILF after the show, di ko kinayang makipagsiksikan kaya ito lang pictures ko:

Hanga din ako sa gumanap na Matanda ng mga Caredivas, sana lahat ng tumatanda katulad nyang maunawain at mabait, at nakikita mo ba ang dibdib na yun nung mamang katabi ng matanda..ang sarap di ba?! 

The best talaga si Ateng Vince! Walang katulad..palakpakan din kay Phil Noble at Jason Barcial, galing! 

BRAVO!!!

Our Tickets and the Playbill, I also bought the soundtrack, ganda kasi ng mga songs

At syempre after the show, LAFANG! Dedma muna sa diet..pero hinay-hinay lang...

Ito si BFF at yung nagtuturo si Doktora..Loves na loves ko ang mga yan.. ;D

QUOTES

Maiba naman..hindi puro ka-LANDIAN...hihihi ;D



This is for you who thinks that is LIFE is a total FAILURE....

THE TRUTH

hurts...

I have been reading a lot of blog posts that runs with the same topic:

Heart breaks, heart aches..

Wilberchie's World...

Journey of a Buendia boy...

Dark Night..

A relationship they all thought will last forever ended in tears. If a "normal" hetero breakup hurts, what more for PLU's. twice? thrice? or also forever?

Except for a few chosen ones, there are few homosexual relationships that lasts. I don't want to sound so negative but I think that's the truth that we all have to face. I have long accepted that fact. 

That I will be alone.


I've seen this short film from http://walangtruelove.blogspot.com that somehow summarizes things up..

'TAY (2)

Just couldn't pass the opportunity to post this message I got yesterday in Facebook from a former student that graduated from High School last school year.

SALUDO PO AKO SA INYO!!! :)
 sir thank you po..kc lgi po kaung andyan sa aming lahat para gabayan at patnubayan sa mga dapat nming gwin.at binubuksan ninyo ang aming kaisipan para malaman nmin ang tama at mli.dhil dito, unti unti nmin nlalaman ang tamang landas na dapat nming thakin. sir salamat din po sa pagturing sa akin n blang tunay n anak. sir khit wala n po kmi sa skul ay ituturing ko prin kaung aking ama. mraming salamat po sir. humihingi din po ako sa pasensya sa aming k pilyuhan at sa aming pagkukulang sa org. sir msaya ako kc nging part kau ng buhay ko.noong una natatakot po tlaga ako sa inyo.pero ngaun. ndi n po bang saya ninyo pong kasama.sir maraming salamat po ksi lagi kaung andyan para pasayahin kmi.at sa oras ng kalungkutan, andyan kau para pangitiin kami.

O devah! San ka pa?!

Katulad ng sinabi ko sa nauna kong post: Who could ask for more! 

I am not pure evil..slight lang..(kaya nga DEMONYITO..hehehe) 

Simple messages like these are things that make you forget that you are overworked and underpaid. Kung baga sa advertisement nung kape, may dahilan ang pagbangon mo tuwing umaga. Hindi naman lahat ang dahilan ay pera o materyal na bagay. Mas madadala ko pa sa hukay ang mga mensaheng yun, kesa sa limpak limpak na salapi (pero di rin naman masamang masamahan ng konting ganun..hihihihi ;D)

Now I can fully appreciate the meaning of how they describe teaching: "Teaching is the Noble Profession". Hindi man ako magkaron ng sariling anak, marami namang tatawag sa akin ng 'TAY. ;D

SEVEN CAPITAL SINS: WRATH OR ANGER

Wrath (anger, hatred) 

Inappropriate (unrighteous) feelings of hatred and anger. Denial of the truth to others or self. Impatience or revenge outside of justice. Wishing to do evil or harm to others. Self-righteousness. Wrath is the root of murder and assault. Dante described wrath as "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite".

Everybody I know thinks that I am fearless.. some of my co-workers even became afraid of me because of my temper. There was an incident a few years back when something went wrong with my SSS contributions that rejected my loan. I was already expecting that money and when it happened, my top blew off and silently I got hold of a cartolina and continuously pounded it on my table until it was smashed into tiny pieces. When I regained composure I realized I was doing it inside our Faculty Room with my co-teachers looking at me really shocked.

Some of my students even see me as a terror teacher. When I was still new in the job, whenever a student makes mistakes I will hit on his head or stomach. My principal even hid me from an angry German father who wants to confront me because I asked his son to kneel in front of the class because he did not attend the Sunday Mass.  The student was not even Catholic. After that school year, the student was transferred out of our school.

I remember a message I got from a good looking young man in Facebook a year ago. 

Young Man: Kilala kita! (I know you!) at di ko malilimutan ang mukhang yan! (and will never forget my face) 

Me: (shocked) how do you know me and why?

Young man: You were the teacher who hit me on my head using as textbook!

Me: What?! I never did that!

Young Man: I will never forget that day, I was in Grade 4..

suddenly it dawn to me..I did do that..in another school were I was assigned to teach in Elementary.

Me: Oh...I remember now..I am very sorry, I don't have any words to say to justify my wrongdoings.

Young Man: Sir, I have long forgiven you..don't think about it.. I was just messing with your head. 

Me: Thank heavens, nothing happened to you that traumatized your childhood.

Young Man: No Sir, nothing that serious happened. I just never forgot you and that incident.

The last time I saw this young man was in website of a known photographer that specializes in sexy poses of sexy men. I think Felix is his name.

Anyway..

But truth is I am a coward, I don't like confrontations. The last time a father of a student, who I thought, understands my work in the school who we both graduated from, wanted to confront me because he thought I was picking on his son. Though the confrontation never happened,the father continued on harassing me, even calling me names and cursing me. I became depressed, because in my mind I was just doing my job. I thought of quitting and my smile faded. I became more ill-tempered and unkind, until my present Boss talked to me which leads to the creation of this blog.

With the new school year, I am also sort of in a new beginning. 

I am smiling more often now.



P.S. And I will not go far as this..

and the winner is via the putikan is.....pak! ;D

GOOD NEWS!

That was what I read today.

It was about an International Conference against child abuse, which will be hosted by our country at the end of the year and to be held at SMX Convention Center of MOA. Organized by the Child Protection Network Foundation (CPN), the annual conference will have the theme: "Creating Safe and Caring Environments for Children".

Read all about it:

MANILA, Philippines - Hundreds of delegates from the Philippines and around the world are expected to attend the annual Ako Para Sa Bata (I Am For The Child) Manila Conference to be held at the SMX Convention Center, Mall of Asia Complex, Manila from December 5 - 7, 2011.

Organized by the Child Protection Network Foundation (CPN), the three-day conference with the theme "Creating Safe and Caring Environments for Children" is set to discuss key issues and feasible measures to effectively combat child neglect.

"Child neglect is one of the most prevalent forms of child abuse. We forget abuse is not limited to the physical aspect, there are also many environmental factors that threaten the emotional wellness of children," said Dr. Bernadette J. Madrid, MD, Executive Director of CPN.

Last year's conference proved to be a success as it was attended by more than 650 participants, including representatives from government and non-government organizations (NGOs), domestic and international law enforcement agencies, medical professionals, academia, as well as parents, social workers, youth and children organizations and the media.

"We will be presenting a comprehensive review of the latest research, on-the-ground experience and different perspectives in tackling child neglect. By bringing together the diverse groups we hope to come up with recommendations that are inclusive, practical and doable in the Philippine setting," said Dr. Stella G. Manalo,Organizing Committee Conference Chair.

The two day symposia will tackle a wide range of topics including: media, sex and violence; proper media diet for children; family values in children; preventing child neglect and child endangerment; safe havens for children in times of disaster / in areas of conflict; caring homes; changing Filipino perspectives in adoption issues; non-violence in the school; and safety in the field, in court or at home.

Post Conference Workshops will be also conducted by the Philippine Society for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Philippine Society for Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, Society of Adolescent Medicine of the Philippines, Inc., PsychConsult Inc., and CPN itself.

"The nation cannot afford not to prevent the abuse of its children. Through proper support, training and resources, we can ensure every child gets the bright, safe and healthy future they deserve", concluded Dr. Madrid.

The Child Protection Network Foundation is committed to ensuring that all children in the Philippines and throughout Asia are protected from abuse and neglect. Its mission is to enable child protection specialists and child protection unites (CPUs) achieve excellence in serving abused children and children-at-risk. The foundation shall serve every abused child with compassion and competence ensuring that all abused children and children at risk are safe, healthy, and developing to the best of their potential within a nurturing family environment.

*If you are a victim of child abuse and would like to seek professional help, you can contact the organization through their website: http://www.childprotectionnetwork.org/. 

It is not too late to tell your story and seek for help. 

You are not alone.

But I noticed something while browsing through their published researches, (not that I am being too petty or what) they all focused on young girls or children in general and little are said or mentioned or studies that focused about the ordeals of abused  young boys, physical or sexual. Just asking. ;D

TOWEL

bait-baitan muna ulit akitch mga teh hane..hihihihi ;D



In preparation for the start of our classes ( yes po, di kami kasabay ng karamihan..sa june 13 pa kami magsisimula) and before we have our first faculty meeting, a priest was invited to speak to the faculty. I've heard many spiritual talks before and I thought it will be like that..borrrriiinnng..

But, it was totally different. He compared the importance of a teacher with a towel,

he said that like a towel, a teacher should have the following qualities:

• it must be wide that can hug the whole body and not like a bimpo that can only wipe a small space
• it must be absorbent
• it must be reusable
• and must be for cleansing, in other words, for healing

pak! may nangbato na naman..tinamaan akitch! choz!

and the we proceeded to an activity wherein we have to wash each others feet which symbolizes our commitment to serve each other not only because we have to as dictated by laws or commands, but because we are FAMILY..working together for the good of our students...

another ten months...this really is it...

napapadalas yata  pagiging mabait ko ah..hmmmmm...