In my confusing world of Bi-sexuality, I had a few memorable relationship with the opposite sex (tomboy lang minsan teh). My last relationship is the most significant one because I proposed to her in a sexy way..during the middle of orgasm! I saw her as the mother of my children, we already have chosen the name of our future firstborn. She was the only woman na iniyakan ko, because I truly loved her but she chose to love someone else. But then, like a line in a song of Ate Whitney, some good things never lasts. She was the only woman who broke my heart. I did not have the opportunity to tell her of my double life, because I chose not too, with reasons only my fucked up mind would know. We maintained our communications, until last night.
Her: musta?
Me: ok lang po
Her: kaw talaga suplado mo ha,..nanga2musta ako sa text di ka nagrereply
Me: umiiwas lang po..
Her: bakit?
Me: secret..
Her: ano nga
Me: handa kabang marinig ang mga sasabihin ko sau?
Her: oo naman
Me: game?
Her: game!
Me: i might be wrong pero i was receiving mixed signals from you
Her: mixed signals?
Me: yep..pag katxt kita ang sweet mo..may mga words ka na you make me feel na may pag-asa pa na magkabalikan tayo..lam mo naman na gusto ko talagang magkabalikan tayo dahil mahal pa rin kita and some of our txt conversations somehow tells me that it can be possible hanggang isingit mo minsan na friends lang tau..
Her: yun ba dting sayo ng mga text ko? sorry po
Me: i mean WTF..parang lokohan lang..so i opted to shut you down from my world..
Her: ok..i understand..buti ngayon mlinaw na sa akin kung bakit..salamat din po sinabi mo.
Me: yoko rin naman umasa..kasi it already happened before..andun na..kaya lang mas pinili mo nun si (name nung pinalit nya sa akin).....
Her: tama..at ayoko din naman po kita paasahin..sorry po..tama yang ginagawa mo..hayaan mo tulungan kita..di na muna ako magpaparamdam sayo para mas madali sa part mo
Me: aminado naman ako na akonga may kasalan kaya our relationship failed..and matagal ko ng pinagsisishan yun..sabi nga, YOU are my karma in life..the love that i still feel for you is my punishment for what i did to you
Her: naiintindihan ko namn at malinaw na rin sakin un kung bakit mo ginawa un..
Me: I pray that you will be happy with what you have now..nagpapasalamat din naman ako dahil sobra talaga akong naging masaya nung mahalin mo ako at ibigay mo ang lahat sa akin dahil sa pagmamahal
Her: salamat din sa lahat2x..wala naman ako pinagsisihan nung mahalin kita..salamat talaga..kung ano man ako ngayon at kung ano man meron ako, naging part ka din nito para maging kung ano ako ngayon..ang gulo ba?hehehe..basta alam mo na un..ayaw ko maging malungkot.
Me: ayoko din naman maging malungkot ka, kaya i'm telling you all these things para maging malinaw ang lahat..naransan ko ng maagawan at manloko, tama na yon..i want you to have a happy life..
Her: gnun din namn gusto ko syo..alam ko namn maraming nagmamahal sayo kaya di ka malulungkot..ako lang ata nging biggest problem sa buhay mo
Me: i am sending you again what i posted before
Her: anu un?
Me: Today, I set down my torch—the one I carry for you. It is heavy and my hands burn from holding it for too long. In its place, I lighted a candle. Today the flame of that candle died out, and my heart that beats for you died with it.
End of Conversation.
End of an illusion that I could have a normal heterosexual life and family.
Manlalaki na lang ako! Rampa na mga teh!
